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Jon In A NutshellDecember 31 The Write Stuff Back.. With a vengeance, no.. With a desire to write emphatically, yes!.. Sometimes writing is like singing loudly in your car, alone on a drive.. Singing only for yourself.. With life, conversation, literature, it’s the honest truth that resonates, and that truth, like singing “Since You’ve Been Gone” at the top of your lungs is personal, unless you share it with everyone, which I’d like to do in atonal segments. What a ramble! I’m in an odd state.. Emotions are growing more visceral for me in my old age.. Do you feel old? I’m continually amazed to find myself growing older.. I discovered something interesting in a recent phone conversation.. I accept I’m growing older (begrudgingly), but what is difficult to accept is growing less relevant. There comes a time I think where you lose your ability to communicate with those younger then you.. We’ve all seen it as kids.. When the most that you can relate to a child is to ask them how school’s going, what they’re studying, etc.. There is so much more to discuss.. Why not ask the big questions, or at least different ones.. I’m not one to talk .. I ask the very same ones, but I’ve often had this sense of sharing in the experience of being young, and I want to keep experiencing that sense of wonder, discovery.. What I’ve seen the best conversationalists, communicators, etc do is to take the focus off themselves and really direct their questions towards you.. If it was boxing, it would be constant jabs with an occasional hook.. I’m a fighter, I hate talking about myself.. I think that’s because I’m rarely satisfied in terms of where I am or where I’m going.. I expect more of myself.. So, to admit failures, show weakness, even be vulnerable is difficult.. I give as much as I get in conversation, rarely more.. I don’t go out on limbs, unless following someone’s lead.. What holds us back from the unabashed reality, the raw and blemished.. It all comes down to presentation, the slick transitions, the bullet points, the businesspeak.. How’s it going? Doing pretty good, how about yourself? Rarely would I give a fully honest answer about how I’m doing, if I’m not doing well.. Why? Because of the weight of others expectations.. It’s a burden I carry, maybe you don’t.. When I feel the load is to heavy, I put it down, and stop walking, communicating.. I don’t ask for help often, because I’m prideful.. Not that I think I’m great as much as I don’t want others to think that I’m weak. I want to be more open, honest, probing deeper truths about myself, about life. Fearing where the truth might lead limits understanding yourself. The truths most difficult to accept are the slight to often larger injustices I’ve inflicted on others. I fear failure and realizing I’ve failed as a friend is one of the worst failures, and I’ve faltered have many times. I wonder if its because I refused to be more exposed, to admit being scared, or hurt, or that I’m wrong. I need to be a bigger man. Ending Thought: What do bigger men do? Watch chick flicks? Sometimes. In order to serve others interests, and because you might not so secretly like them.. The movie I saw tonight with my neighborette, “PS I Love You,” hinges on where love takes you and where to go when that love is taken away.. It made me wonder if the Hollywood aesthetic of love, the flowery, unstoppable, fated meeting, the whirlwind romance, the discovery of a feeling unable to be contained is ever true, with non-fictionalized characters. I believe there’s a degree of truth to that ultra-romantic ideal, but its not often in that same syrupy form.. The portrayl of love is limited and idealized, so what of love, and the obstacles which prevent its fulfillment..For it’s the overcoming of obstacles, to love which determine ones depth of feeling.. Does your love move mountains? July 05 Redolent, White, And BlueWell, I may have just beat out my town in the field of Fourth of July wordplay.. This year's Fourth was encapsulated with the phrase "Red, White, And You".. Thankfully, the fireworks and the company (Jen!) made up for any lack of creativity on the town's part.. Gurnee's fireworks were a HUGE draw.. It's so rare to see the crosswalks overflowing with citizens whose lawn chairs line the streets, filling parking lots for miles.. The fourth is a day of oneness and of communal unity.. We share the streets, the reverberations of blasts echoing off rooftops, garages, and rib cages.. Most importantly though, covered in iridescent light, with necks upturned, we see America in its shimmering ideal.. A united purpose, a hope, the safe harbor of freedom, differences melding into oneness.. Passing people of varying ethnicities, ages, and manifold experiences, our gaze met at the same points of light.. If only there were more days to unite bodies and souls in a singular vision. March 12 RememberanceI can't let this day of all days pass without acknowledgment.. There's a time for everything, and after I worked today, I confronted a lot of my feelings, wrote a bit and subsequently feel better .. This blog's dedicated to the memory of my Dad and my brother.. My Dad especially shaped so much of who I am and what I believe.. His, is an example of momentum, going the right direction in life past any obstacles.. Men such as him are rare and its to my benefit that I had a strong father figure, who distinguished between right and wrong, good and evil, and did not practice hypocrisy, but lived what he spoke. I was always loved, that was immutable, and I am reminded of it daily. The leadership, will, and friendship that we shared, I still miss.. As for my brother.. What can I say? I miss always having someone around to talk to, hang out with, just be there in whatever circumstance it was. The sarcastic sense of humor, the verbal volleys, the late night munchies, DDR runs, secret anime viewing events, I miss it all. I used to look forward every day for when he came home from school and for the next hour we'd play video games.. This was a tradition, that went on for years.. I don't even remember its conception.. It was the same games to .. Mario Kart, or Tennis, but we'd keep coming back to them.. He was my social life.. I spent more time with him, then anyone else in my life.. We were the voices of reason in our household, or so we liked to think.. When James and I felt like we were in less of a family and more an oppressive regime, we'd always have each other to complain to.. I still smile at the fact I used call him the B-rate Jon... He was more creative and patient, and was a good example for so many of his friends. He was my best friend, even though I didn't know it, and I love his memory dearly.. In memory of my my Dad and my brother, we won't forget... February 14 tumultuousA blog is not coming.. I want to write, I’m tense, sleepless, and askew, but I just can’t find the right intro. Honesty works though, so the intro is now covered.. Not what you’re expecting? I liken it to waiting for the next Weezer album in 2001, and then to my dismay buying the Green Album, which was under a half hour after fans waited for 4 years! Well, I just waited to publish a blog.. My last entry was Sept.. I started an unpublished blog, maybe a couple since then.. One, which I don’t think I’ll ever put on the internet was handwritten on legal pad.. Only my neighbor was privy to that one.. In a word, controversial, in another, perhaps liberal.. I don’t want to be thought of as a liberal as much as independent, although those from the left are making a lot more sense as of late on issues such as foreign policy, the war, the environment.. But, in the end it’s the same vote-wrangling gimmicks that the right succeeded on, and criticism more then commitment to actually solving pertinent issues.. When issues, such as the war cannot be even debated in the Senate, without getting into semantics, and even those who want a troop withdrawal, vote in favor of supporting the new general who’s leading the surge, it’s relatively easy to see that not much is being done. It’s depressing.. There’s so many issues that could be solved relatively easily.. Take hunger.. This is America, the richest nation the world has ever seen .. How much would it take to feed the disenfranchised? 10 Billion, 100 Billion.. I think we can afford that.. Lets take a look at the budget.. Balance military spending with drastic cuts in Medicaid cuts, and such programs like one that provides groceries for underprivileged individuals?.. Oh, and let us not forget the environment.. Oh, I know that’s a “liberal” topic, and global warming “hasn’t been proven,” but wait.. Scientists are 90% sure, we’re responsible for it, photographs on the ground and from space show the melting icecaps, in the Arctic, Antarctic, and Greenland.. Not to mention the direct relationship between CO2 and Temperature, the fact a majority of the hottest years on record have occurred in the last 15 years, the weather patterns which have brought us record devastations from weather related phenomena.. 2,500 scientists from 130 nations published a 4 part report, the last of which is discussed in this LA Times article http://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/world/la-sci-warming3feb03,0,5489341.story?coll=la-home-world (please copy and paste) This is one portion of the aforementioned article illustrating the denial of the problem.. Bush administration officials downplayed the United States' contribution to global warming. "We are a small contributor when you look at the rest of the world," Energy Secretary Samuel Bodman said in a Friday teleconference. The U.S. is the single largest contributor to global warming, producing about a quarter of the world's carbon dioxide emissions even though it accounts for about 4.5% of its population. China, with 20% of the world's population, produces 14.5% of global emissions. Please, if you want to know more about the impending environmental crisis, check out the article, and watch An Inconvenient Truth.. You’ll have to endure some of Al Gore’s diatribe, but the facts about the environment are unquestionable.. Ice core samples, do not have a political agenda.. Final Thought: There are two attitudes which I believe bear the brunt, of inhibiting both people and government to act effectively.. Those attitudes are apathy and self-interest.. The first says problems are too insurmountable to be solved, the second won’t solve problems for fear of the sacrifice it may take. I have participated in both these outlooks, in some aspects of my life pained as I am to acknowledge it, I continue to, but I want to uproot them from my character.. Something has to be done in our world for tangible, positive change, and there’s a lot each of us can do beyond donating money.. While important, I believe donating time is of much more value.. I haven’t volunteered for any continued stretch of time, but I’m coming to the place where I want to do something to help, maybe one day a week, to make a difference.. I believe if there’s good to do, then it needs to be done, and it might require a lifestyle or perceptual change, but without change, there’s no growth. September 19 A Movie Script EndingI feel so abstract right now, but ever since Sunday I have been lost in thought, confident, searching, looking inside, outside myself, trying to find what I've gained and lost. Yesterday I was really happy. It's funny one lady I work with said, "Why are you so happy, or what are you so happy about" something to that effect. I think part of it, was being happy for my friends.. Nick and Angel got married, but most of it was thinking about my future, optimistically. Last week it was a dismal void, which I sank into, but that day, and even in the afterglow of today, I was immensely excited, feeling the lightness of being knowing that I did not have to be afraid of tomorrow, and that the landscape surrounding me, held undiscovered treasures, which my heart needed only to seek out. I wanted to absorb everything, and I think when that desire is captured, it radiated as a smile upon my face, or as an unburdened gait, knowing the lightness of my steps, was the purposeful desire of my heart. July 18 Finding NemoI need to feel connected. Even if it’s just knowing that what I’m typing right now will be read by someone who cares to read it, will spur me to write once more. In my uncharacteristically long absence ( I like to blog once a month) I actually wrote ample amounts of poetry, journals, and observations on life, but I became quite introverted in that writing. I shared my thoughts with a select few, collapsing in on myself, like a dying giant star. That period is ending though, and it feels good to be back!
So, what’s new with me? Not enough, but life remains interesting. I’m looking forward to a couple of events. First and foremost, my old friend Michael from Texas is visiting Wed.- Sun. We’re planning to tear through the towns of MilWil and Chi-town. Maybe take in a couple of museums, definitely a tour of the Miller Brewing company and whatever comes our way. Also, during this time, I’ll be seeing Brand New!! Along with my friends Mike Diek, his cousin Mike, their friend from Michigan, Dan, and my friend from work Melissa. I’ve been wanting to see them in concert ever since I heard Deja Entendu. I know almost all the songs, so I can sing along, which if you can’t do at a concert, it certainly diminishes the experience. Then exactly one week later, I’ll be seeing Dashboard Confessional. Gotta love the emo-goodness, which brings me to another point.
What does it mean to be emo? Is it wearing tight girlish pants, having hair cover a portion of your eye, brushing it out, and lamenting how awful your life is as you check your myspace. No. That is just lame, but so many “emo” kids fit this stereotype, and it’s little wonder they are easy targets for ridicule. Emo to me, describes mainly music or situations, that contain passionate sentiments, of love, loss, desire, etc.. that speak to the our desire to be understood, and furthermore to find someone who understands us. These songs/situations can be tragic or triumphant, but at their best, they are insightful and romantic. As for me, I consider myself a romantic, which is why emo appeals to me. Also, not getting the girl, or pining over the girl, wondering what went wrong, essentially overanalyzing, is something with which I readily identify, and I earnestly believe my friends will attest to. I don’t necessarily classify myself as emo though. My friend invented a new status, NEMO. This is a hybrid of nerdiness and emo. The nerdiness is an ability to embrace things not traditionally regarded as cool, in fact it’s a lack of cool, a carefree spirit, that makes fun of the awkwardness in existance, and allows one to just be themselves. Here’s a completely NEMO moment from a couple of weeks ago, Sat. night, MikeD and I went to Best Buy, and I bought the third season of Scrub’s, and the new Dashboard album. Listening to Chris sing about the loves of his life, as fireworks were shot off in the distance, while traveling to Taco Bell for food before sitting down to Scrub’s on a Sat. night, in which most people had to be out doing something, was nerdy emoness, in my opinion. I might have failed in explaining what NEMO is, or the allure of it, but it’s a good status.. Oh, and I have to insert this link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mR7HlvKyYpA&search=emo%20parody This is THE best video making fun of the emo stereotype that I have seen. I find it a hilariously accurate parody of the emo kids who are all style and no substance.
Ending Thought: Another thing I want to say before I go. I have found the current state of relationships abysmal. The opposite sexes are now the oppositional sexes. Never have I witnessed so many hurt feelings, dissapointment and bitterness. This isn’t to say that I haven’t been upset with any of the women who are/were apart of my life, and that all hurt is totally removed, but I don’t want to hold any grudges towards any women I‘ve cared about, and I hope all the ones I’ve offended have forgiven me. Biterness is repulsive, and the most beautiful man/woman, can become very unattractive, if they harbor animosity towards former relationships. Neither sex is perfect, and both have room for growth and improvement. To pigeon hole, or blanket an entire group, or sex into one category, is irresponsible and judgmental. One’s focus should be self-improvement, and developing the character to become the type of individual, who is honorable and desirable. Any attitude of superiority, based on education and position needs to be tempered by an understanding that we all have a lot to grow and overcome, which takes time. Patience and support go a lot further towards individual development then criticism alone.
Anyways, I want to end on a positive note, so like my friend Jen, I’ll end on a couple of quotes.
"Tell me whom you love and I will tell you who you are."
"Love is but the discovery of ourselves in others, and the delight in the recognition."
March 31 V is for VisionHello, my friends.. I’m eager to write again.. Desirous to say everything, and yet wondering what to say.. I’ll begin with this past weekend.. I recently returned from a stellar weekend in Mauston Wisconsin.. Although 95% of our time was spent in Mauston, was within a 5 mile radius, most of it at the hotel in various rooms, I never ceased to be entertained.. But let me first begin with Friday.. Desiree Burdette, who is one of the coolest girls I know, flew in all the way from La-La land, to the tundra ghetto of Chi-town’s Midway airport.. I was, dare I say it …ALMOST on time to pick her up.. I blame Chicago traffic and Mapquest for a much longer trip then necessary, but 5 minutes late, is my version of early, to all who know me well ;) We spoke of literature, art, friends/family, and had a hassle free trip.. Well except for briefly getting lost, but I blame the navigator to O’Hare airport.. There, I was reunited with my boy Jeremy and Kristin, who is also spectacular.. They’re in close contention for my favourite couple.. So, we left around 4PM, hit traffic immediately upon exiting.. And could have made the bible study but would have been 30 minutes late.. So we just took it slow, ate at the Cracker Barrel, which Desiree chose exuberantly .. I’m serious.. She was so stoked to eat there .. Southern girls.. Go figure J .. I have to say, as a foursome, we’re clever, mischievous, risqué, but fun-loving more then anything.. We arrived in Mauston as Bible Study let out, unpacked, changed and headed to chat in the hot tub.. I had some brief guy time with Mike Dorothy, and some hot tub time, with my Milwaukee boys and Ann.. It was so reminiscent of the feast.. After that, came a late-night food run.. These are standard issue for anyone wanting to hang out with the Milwuakee gang.. Food is pivotal to our group.. We have our best conversations generally occur around food.. We have pre-eat‘s for days where the next meal won‘t come soon enough, and the more uncommon post-eat, where we just grab a desert.. This night, it was apple-pie a la mode for myself and Desiree.. In a word, seductive.. After that, we went back to hotel rooms, and chatted it up until the early morn.. Sabbath services went great.. The Millich’s were up.. The dance was country western.. I made more then a few Brokeback jokes .. Hehe.. How could I resist? I danced 4 times, and had catch-up time with Tiff, and kicked it until the dance let out.. Then the real party started with some Poker back at my pad J .. Which by the way, I won!!.. Then came the great late night chats, walks, and fast food.. I ended my night with dawn in sight.. Got a few hours of sleep.. Then came packing, and breakfast at Taco Bell, with my Iowa peeps.. Then back on the road... Our main stop that day was a cheese castle.. Everyone’s first, but mine.. We sampled 10 yr. Old cheese.. A brick was like $120.. The secret to such a fine product is letting it age in your freezer.. If your wondering what it smells like.. Think back to middle school and that funky gym locker room smell.. Yeah… It’s that gross.. Jeremy came to the rescue and bought us some Sprite.. Next up we arrived in Dellafield, at my second home, the Diek’s, only briefly and then, went off again to Arby’s , and my new favourite establishment.. Itallian Ice Cream.. In the town of Waukesha, there’s an undiscovered treasure.. Gelatto.. It’s incredible.. To all my readers try it, and if you ever come up here, we’ll make a gelatto run.. I love the ambiance of our hangout.. It’s a little slice of Italy, that I could not enjoy more .. Next up, came a movie “Failure to Launch”.. Pretty humorous, classic romantic comedy.. With a shot of Terry Bradshaw’s butt, that I could’ve done without.. *shudder*.. Then, we went back to the Diek’s, where we had frozen pizza, and debated half the night.. I lost on all fronts.. I have never felt more French.. Well, I actually kept fighting so I can’t really say that.. Hehe.. First French joke in forever! Monday, I took Des back to the airport, and cut my way in front of I don’t know how many semi’s.. Semi’s and I just weren’t getting along this weekend.. It was weird.. I proved my genius and stupidity in one foul swoop, by getting us to the area of the airport with a couple hours to spare, and then only leaving an hour and 20 minutes to spare, with the airport more then 20 minutes away.. DOH!.. I tell you I was so excited about being early, we chilled at this Oasis, and only at like 11:30, Desiree’s flight left at 1:00, did I realize.. Man.. I’m so going to be responsible for her being late.. But, the Jetta and I kicked it into high gear, and we made it in time, only to find out Desiree’s flight was delayed.. So, a lot of worry for nothing.. Hereupon.. Jeremy, Kristin, and I decided.. It was high-time for an adventure.. I’ve never driven in Chicago, and knew only which way to head to get in the general direction of the city.. Spontaneity was our road map, and we found the right sights and exits along the way.. Jeremy, Kristin, and I discussed interior decorating at Crate & Barrel, a fantastic store by the way.. We loved simplicity, comfort, seamless form/function, and stylistically, had such similar points of view, it was if Jeremy and I were separated in the womb.. Kristin was pretty impressed I think hehe.. That was one of the many stores we hit up along Michigan Ave. .. I bought a new cologne, which was Kristin/Jeremy approved, and smells seductive.. Jeremy bought the Jim Gaffigan DVD, which is HILLARIOUS!!.. Buy it.. If you don’t like it… Well, then there’s really no hope for you J .. All ended well, I was able to get Kristin and Jeremy there to there flight in plenty of time.. Although Chicago traffic once again, was a beast.. So, there’s the trip.. Hope you enjoyed this most lengthy blog.. Final Thought: I saw V is for Vendetta tonight, and although I’m by no means giving it my full stamp of approval.. It's pretty violent.. It like other books I’ve read (1984, Brave New World, Atlas Shrugged) offering a nightmarish dystopian vision of the future.. Basic freedoms of religion and speech are taken away, and a society is suppressed in deception.. How many freedoms have we as Americans given up, or are willing to give up in the name of “safety” and “security”.. Propoganda can easily enslave a nation.. Be it from the right or the left.. Truth can only be found by actively seeking it out.. I kick myself for ever having supported the Bush administration blindly, or the neo-conservative indoctrination.. I find a war based more on profit then peace.. Human life is sacrosanct, and I think that’s easily discarded in facts and figures.. We, as individuals need to think critically, get multiple points of view, and be all the more analytical, so that we can be aware when society is about to reach it’s breaking point.. It’s said knowledge is power, and only those who seek find.. So, it's vital to be informed, think critically, and prove your points, so that you can have some insight in an increasingly opaque world.. V is for Vision.. |
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